Would you rather be happy or Right?
Sometimes we learn a pattern in our lives that ultimately doesn’t support us. Early on, we are taught to be right, rather than wrong. In school, we are graded by how many right answers we get on exams. As students we learn to avoid as best we can, the embarrassment of being wrong. Getting the right answer becomes the primary purpose of our education. Isn’t it regrettable that this may be inconsistent with actually learning? Can you imagine the generative and exciting learning environment that would result from a class that rewarded asking the best questions?
As a marriage counselor I often ask people if they’d rather be right or they’d rather be happy. Although nearly everyone says they would prefer happiness, the battle continues over right or wrong. If you pause and consider it, it’s really not helpful is it? The very fact that we’d mindlessly choose to win an argument at the cost of damaging our relationships points to something terribly amiss. This compulsion to be right, sidetracks our lives and impedes our learning and happiness. An article in a health magazine says:
“People who always need to be right tend to have fragile egos,” When they feel as if their self-image has been threatened, they want to make themselves look bigger or smarter, so they blame others. It’s a coping mechanism to deal with insecurity. Being right affirms and inflates our sense of self worth.
This will help me be more patient with folks who love to be right, including myself. In some way we feel threatened or don’t feel good about ourselves. We can help each other by loving each other unconditionally!
Let us begin to create loving relationships where we listen to each other and not correct each other. From my happy heart to yours, Thomas